Self-compassion is a powerful tool that can help you reduce negative self-talk and treat yourself with loving-kindness.
Loving yourself may feel strange, but it doesn’t have to be difficult. Often, getting started is the hardest part. So, in this post, you’ll learn nine practical ways to love yourself.
Life can be hard.
We all screw up sometimes.
We get frustrated and lose our temper.
We regret things said or left unsaid.
Our children struggle with learning disabilities or anxiety or any number of things.
We hurt deep inside about harm caused to us as children.
Our loved ones die.
We get laid-off and can’t pay the rent.
We all experience pain at various times in our lives.
And we all deserve comfort in these moments of pain or hardship.
You can be your greatest source of comfort. There’s no one better for the job since you will always have yourself and you will always know what you need.
That being said, I know it’s not always easy to learn how to be kind to yourself. So, in this post, I’ll share nine simple self-love strategies.
Practical ways to love yourself
1. Acknowledge that you’re struggling. This is the first step in any self-compassion practice. If you push away the difficult feelings or live in denial, you will see no reason to treat yourself with compassion. Struggling isn’t weakness or failure. It’s simply humanness.
Acknowledge that you’re having a hard time with something or someone without judgment. Start by saying, “This is really hard. It would be hard for anyone.”
2. Accept that you’re imperfect and that’s normal. You can stop trying to be perfect, stop trying to prove your worth by doing more and being who you think everyone wants you to be.
When you make a mistake, experience failure, or notice your own shortcomings, give yourself some love rather than punishment. Contrary to popular belief, criticism and punishment do not motivate people to change.
3. Give yourself compliments. A good friend not only lifts you up when you’re down, but she also acknowledges your strengths and congratulates you on your accomplishments.
Give yourself the same kudos by saying, “I’m so proud of you for getting to work on time” or “Yea me! I made it through that meeting without losing my temper.” You do a lot of things right. Make sure you’re noticing and giving yourself credit!
4. Ask for help. A lot of people resist asking for help when they’re having a hard time. Remember that friends and family actually like to help each other out. They don’t want you to suffer alone. Allow them the privilege of helping you and trust that they’ll say “No” if they can’t.
5. Slow down. Many people use busyness as a form of avoidance. They use it to avoid their feelings, avoid saying “No,” avoid disappointing people, and avoid making decisions.
It’s easier to leave life on autopilot, but slowing down allows you to turn inward and listen to what your body, heart, and mind are telling you. This will help you to understand what you really need right now.
It’s hard to meet your own needs when you don’t know what they are!
6. Set boundaries. Sometimes it feels like setting limits is hurtful, but boundaries are a way of loving yourself and others. Healthy boundaries demonstrate self-respect by setting clear expectations for how people can treat you and how you will treat them.
7. Give yourself lots of treats. Treats are nice things you do for yourself for no particular reason. Unlike rewards, treats don’t need to be earned by good behavior.
The only rule is that self-compassionate treats need to be good for you (sorry, peanut M&Ms really aren’t self-compassionate).
8. Journal. Writing is one of my favorite ways to understand my feelings. You don’t have to keep a formal journal to make this effective. You can write notes on your phone, write down your thoughts and then shred them, make an audio recording, or use an app such as Pacifica.
The point is simply to check-in with yourself and find out how you’re doing. It’s amazing how rarely we do this without a prompt or routine to remind us.
9. Comfort yourself like a baby. Think about how you might comfort a crying baby or toddler and do the adult version for yourself!
Try a warm bath, a soft fuzzy robe, a cup of hot tea, lavender essential oil, a massage, repetitive motion (walking or swinging), reading, relaxing music, or calming self-talk such as, “It’s going to be OK.”
Self-compassion doesn’t need to be complicated. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, it may feel very strange at first. Remember that you deserve loving-kindness just as everyone else does. You don’t have to earn it and you don’t have to do it perfectly.
We all like to be loved in different ways. Use this list as a starting place and adapt it to meet your own needs. What’s your favorite way to show yourself some love? Please share your ideas by adding them in the comments.
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Read more about loving yourself
- 5 Simple Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
- Self-Abandonment: What It Is and How to Stop
- 18 Inspiring Self-Love Quotes
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©2018 Sharon Martin, LCSW
Photos from Unsplash.com and Canva.com
The Self-Love Guided Journal
I created the Self-Love Guided Journal to help you rediscover who you are, accept yourself – imperfections and all, and learn to treat yourself with kindness. It includes reflective questions, journal prompts, inspirational quotes, and a healing meditation to help you develop positive thoughts and feelings about yourself. Find out more by clicking HERE.
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Dr. Sharon Martin
Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW is a psychotherapist and author specializing in codependency recovery. For the past 25 years, she’s been helping people-pleasers, perfectionists, and adult children overcome self-doubt and shame, embrace their imperfections, and set boundaries. Dr. Martin writes the popular blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today and is the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.
I give credit to my shortcomings looking into their flip sides and take pride in them.