Are you drawn to people with serious problems, who tend to “under function”?
Do you feel lonely in your relationships?
Do you feel like no one listens to you or no one cares about you?
Are you tired of having the same arguments over and over again?
Do you feel invisible or insignificant?
Do people take advantage of your kindness?
Do you spend a lot of time trying to change or fix other people and their problems?
Have you lost your sense of self, your values, interests, and goals?
These are all symptoms of codependency.
I don’t love the term codependency, but I have yet to figure out a better word to describe these traits and relationship issues. Being labeled codependent is a turn-off for many people and that’s understandable. I want to emphasize that you aren’t the sole cause of your relationship problems. Both people contribute to the problems, but an important part of your healing is to acknowledge your part in these dynamics.
You may be thinking, “Why do I have to change? I’m not the problem.” You may be the one who has been truly hurt, abused, mistreated, and taken advantage of. I want to acknowledge that your pain is real, but continuing to identify as a (powerless) victim will keep you stuck. It’s possible to acknowledge that you have been deeply hurt and that you have the power to change and heal. Changing yourself is where your power lies. It allows you to break free from codependency and find your true self.
I wrote Navigating the Codependency Maze as a compassionate and straight-forward guide to understanding what codependency is and where it comes from – and more importantly, how to heal and recover from codependency.
Codependency Recovery Book
This e-book (digital download) is full of practical exercises to help you:
- Explore your denial
- Detach with love
- Set boundaries
- Decrease guilt and shame
- Manage anxiety and worry
- Know yourself
- Take care of yourself
- Express your feelings and needs
Life really hurts when your relationships aren’t working. This book may be the first step you’re taking to try to understand and heal your broken relationships. Or it may be a step in a long journey you’ve been on to figure out what’s wrong and how to create the relationships you crave. Either way, I wrote this book to guide you out of the codependency maze and onto a path toward freedom and healthy, loving relationships.
Learn to take care of yourself first. It’s not selfish, I promise.
In my work with codependency, it’s become clear that codependency is really about your relationship with yourself and once you learn to love and prioritize yourself, your other relationships will begin to shift. This book focuses on ways you can change yourself. This isn’t to say that you are the problem or source of your relationship struggles. You need to focus on changing yourself because you’re the only one you can change. Some of the pain and disappointment you’ve been feeling is the result of trying to change others, which is an impossible task.
There is hope! You may feel trapped in this chaotic maze of codependency, but there is a way out. The next chapters will help you to understand your role in codependent relationships and how to change yourself. The good news is the path to freedom and healthy relationships lies within you. You can change and heal yourself!
Purchase a copy and start today!
©2017 Sharon Martin, LCSW.
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Dr. Sharon Martin
Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW is a psychotherapist and writer specializing in codependency recovery. For the past 25 years, she’s been helping perfectionists and people-pleasers overcome self-doubt and shame, embrace their imperfections, and learn to set boundaries. Dr. Martin writes the popular blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today and is the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.